i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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