the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
