dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
