When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
