How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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