I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
