I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
