That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
