you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
