It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
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the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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