I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
