Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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