She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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