Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just found a bag of teeth...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
