What a fucking waste of an outfit
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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