I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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