How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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