Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
