Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
