I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
