I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
