You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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