Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
