She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
