New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize