We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
