He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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