Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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