Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
