I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
