i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
