So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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