I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
