Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
