He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
