hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
