he puts the penis in happiness.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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