I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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