i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
