You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When did we convert life to cartoon?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
