I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize