I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
