She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
