Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
