i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
