I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
