but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Text me some of your sweat
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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