Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
