I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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