I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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