Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You pole danced in your parka.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
