guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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