doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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