I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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