Your face is a jimmy john
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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