I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
