she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
