If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
