4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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