I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
