Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
