I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
