you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
