Im at strip club and am horny
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
