Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
