this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Randomize
