So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
