I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
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She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
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Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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