Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
