conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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