dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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